Never Done Before

Two weeks ago on Sunday, I was working at Urban Outfitters and literally was so hungry from not eating before coming into my shift and surviving off of water and dum dums.

Across the street there’s a Jimmy Johns that everyone at Urban goes to for a quick lunch break and considers it the fastest place to get food nearby. I’ve never ordered from Jimmy Johns and refused to my whole life.

Jimmy Johns owner, Jimmy John Liautaud, is a big-game hunter and images of him holding and posing next to the limp bodies of a cheetah and elephant were exposed in 2011. It was after this that a magazine called The Hunting Report stated that Liautaud also hunted lynx, rhinos, deer and wolves.

Knowing this, I tried to think of alternative places to quickly grab a bite, but cheaper places were further blocks down and with the cold temperatures, I didn’t want to be walking outside for too long. I even asked my manager when he went out for break to buy me a sandwich so the blood wouldn’t be on my hands, but he received the text too late and returned without knowing I’ve asked.

I made the decision to buy a sandwich and kept convincing myself that it’s just once sandwich that Ill purchase out of my whole lifetime from this company and that it doesn’t compare to those who buy it multiple times a week. Walking into the sandwich shop, I felt guilt but more than that, I felt hunger. I quickly ordered the sandwich, not making eye contact with anyone as if they know my secret, and ran back to work to devour the thing before my guilty conscience could stop me.

It wasn’t until after my lunch I realized how awful and disappointed I was in myself. Something I advocated for so strongly and something that I kept out of my life for so long was all turned over because of my hunger and for my dumb self not eating or bringing a snack to work beforehand. Those $7 could have gone towards something more rewarding but instead was fed into a massacring murderer’s pocket.